Note: The opinions expressed within are solely those of the author, and do not necessarily reflect the opinions or mission of the National Museum of Language.
As many of us know, June is Pride Month, a celebration and memorial for the LGBT (or “queer,” no longer considered a slur in an appropriate context) community. Founded as a commemoration of the Stonewall Inn riots of the 60s, which protested police brutality directed towards queer people in the gay bar scene of New York City. Since the original riots, Pride has become a celebration of who people are, how their sexuality is worthy of celebration, and how one can express oneself.
As the years have gone on, trans and non-binary people have become a more visible part of the community to those outside of it; trans meaning a person who is a gender not assigned at their birth, and non-binary meaning a person who does not feel part of the typical societal gender binary or spectrum. With this increased visibility, pronouns have become an important part of a person’s identity, originally in academic circles but now more prominently in everyday life.
Thus, we come to the question of the “singular they.” While the majority of people of all genders and sexualities use he/him or she/her pronouns, about 35% of transgender people prefer to use non-binary pronouns, most frequently they/them, although other pronouns, such as xe/xir exist. This has sparked a wide range of opinions, including those who try to use a linguistic approach to say why they/them is incorrect when referring to a single person.
However, this is objectively not the case, and instead is an example of using “grammar rules” to conceal bigotry. The Oxford English Dictionary, one of the authorities on the English language, and most notable for being a descriptive (contextual) dictionary as opposed to a prescriptive (strict definition) dictionary like more typical volumes, notes that the singular they has existed since at least the 14th century. In William and the Werewolf, the word they is used to convey that SOMEONE is coming, but we do not have an apt enough description yet to give more detail.
We still use this in everyday speech too. Shouldn’t “everyone” take care of “THEMselves?” When a student enters my classroom before the first day, I want to know how THEY will pronounce THEIR name, especially if the name does not obviously reveal their gender. In the opinion of this author, singular they only became an issue as an othering attempt towards trans individuals, as people are using grammar and “rules” to conceal their prejudice. However, the grammarian approach ultimately does not hold water. The most-oft cited source as an argument against it, The Chicago Manual of Style, even only suggests not using singular they to avoid ambiguity, and the book is even called the manual of style, not the manual of unbending rules.
They/them is simply respectful. Much like our understanding of science, technology, or the world around us, language also evolves. If the Manual of Style says to avoid ambiguity, in my mind this means they/them should be acceptable to refer to those who refer to themselves as such; it reduces ambiguity about how they identify. As we start to better understand the complexity of gender, especially as research shows that is more of a spectrum than a binary, it would make sense that language would evolve to include those who are not at one end of the spectrum of the other, or do not feel part of it at all. Maybe at some point English will create a new gender-neutral pronoun, as other languages have had for centuries. Until then, it is important that we not only take down bad-faith arguments, but we do not weaponize grammar against people, as ultimately people are the most important factor in any situation.
Further Reading: